Mother's Day!

Mother's Day has become one of my favorite holidays. The weather is usually nice so we get to start cleaning out all of our flower beds, plant our seeds for our garden, and I usually get a tree or plant for Mother's Day which is just perfect since I love to garden. And the kids love to help, they have their own gardening tools! They actually planted all the corn and pumpkin seeds. I have to say now that the kids are older and understand the importance of the day, it is even better! Ethan gave me a hug and made me a card. Emma told me I was the best mommy ever! Mother's Day has been bitter sweet for me since my mom died. This year marks the 10th year that I have not even looked at the Mother's Day card’s at the stores. Emotionally it is still too sad for me to read the cards. I have no pictures of my mom up in my home on display. I know that may seem strange so when I saw a picture of myself at 8 years old with my mom and dad in Emma's room on her nightstand a few months ago, it shocked me a little. I asked Emma where she got the picture and she said she found it. As I'm looking at this picture Emma goes on to tell me who is in the picture. Since I was a kid I looked very different but Emma didn't see that. She said, "Mommy( then she points at each person in the picture) that's you when you were small, that's Papa Goodman (that's what the kids call my dad) and that's my other grandma but she's not here anymore she's with God, isn't she pretty?" Then she took the picture out of my hands and nicely set it back on her nightstand. I needed Emma to put that picture out more than she will ever understand. I told Emma she was absolutely right about her other grandma and went on to tell her about the photo and as I am talking I realized how happy my mom looked in the photo. My dad had his arm around her and I had my hand on her lap. She was smiling so big. Then for the first time in 10 years I felt her so close to my heart and realized I had pushed my memories of her away. My mom and I were best friends. I actually would cancel plans with Mario when we were dating to just go to the grocery store with her. He likes to remind me of that and we always laugh! My mom and I had some times when we argued but for the most part we had a good relationship. So it was very hard to let her go. I have no siblings. My dad worked a lot when I was growing up so our relationship has been a work in progress. But God has blessed me with so much. 10 years ago I was so devastated when she died from cancer at the young age of 46. But God blessed me with a loving husband who has held me when I would cry many times in our marriage and listen to me talk about my mom. And Ethan and Emma I am so grateful that he blessed me with them. I was a little nervous when I found out I was pregnant with Emma when Ethan was only 4 months old. I was still learning so much about being a new mom. I was just praying that God would give me the strength to be the best mother to them. God knew exactly what was best for me. We are a very close little family. And now God has blessed us again with another baby due this October! I have started telling the kids stories about my mom finally and it feels good. And I showed them my old family photo albums from when I was a kid and they found that to be very fun. But as I’m looking at all the pictures of my mom I realized one thing, she was so happy to be a mom. In every picture my mom and I were both smiling so big. God blessed her with having a daughter whom I could see in her eyes in every picture she loved so very much. I have always wondered if she would have been proud of me as a mom, but I think I now know the answer. Because I look at Ethan and Emma the exact same way she looked at me in the pictures! I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day! ~Amy